Am I Mr. Nice Guy or A People-pleaser?

I wanted to share a question that's been on my mind. I recently listened to an exciting radio show about being a people-pleaser which got my attention. A vast difference exists between being a “nice” guy and being a nice guy. Well, if you feel curious like me at the beginning, let me take you through the conclusion from this show and the lessons learned from the research I did afterward.

Kindness is good behavior, which can mean being “nice” to people in specific situations, but not always. We are human beings, we have feelings, ups and downs, and we can’t be consistent in our emotions, so it’s impossible to be neutrally kind in all situations. There is no need to be Mr. Nice guy because if anyone is putting an effort to be friendly, he will be a people pleaser, and these efforts won’t be for being kind, but more likely for other sub-conscious reasons such as the below:

• To avoid conflict with others
• For fear of being rejected
• Uncertainty of principles and preferences, which may result in a chameleon-like approach
• Lack of honesty
• Struggle in sympathy or empathy
• The need to seek approval
• Lack of confidence
• Expecting a reciprocal treatment
• Being distracted from personal goals and objectives
• Inability to set boundaries for self and others

That’s way too many negative reasons for the efforts of Mr. Nice guy. His intentions may be positive from his perspective, and he may think that being nice to other people is suitable for himself; in reality, he is harming himself, and sooner or later, he’ll be burnt out.

To avoid getting to this stage, here are a few tips and recommendations:

• Life is too short; we don’t need to invest it all in pleasing others. Remember to first put your oxygen mask on yourself and then help others.
• Be yourself and never forget who you are, what you want, and what makes you happy. Be empowered and mentally strong.
• Honor yourself.
• Avoid saying “sorry” for problems that are not your fault, just to solve a situation.
• Look after yourself; if you won't, nobody will.

If you need to be nice without being taken advantage of, or if you want to master controlling your emotions, check out the ABF Academy courses below.

Certificate in Emotional Intelligence

Emotional Intelligence Workshop